Christmas Cheer
by DuskDawn
Summary: Staple guns, constant fights, friends not making their friends hot chocolate, incredibly heavy sarcasm, headaches, and the usual angst that has no reasonable reasoning. Is this really the right approach to the festive season?
1. Author's Message to the World

_Are you bored right now? Are you tired of seeing ridiculous pairings littering every page of your fanfic searches? Do you like reading stories that put your favourite characters into stupid, yet incredibly amusing situations? How about laughing at other characters' angst? Then this is the fanfiction for you! If you answered no to some or all of these, this is still the story for you!_

Hello, readers. Welcome to my realm.

Right now, you're probably thinking, "Stupid author. I don't want to hear your stupid comments. I just want to read the bloody story!" If you're vaguely thinking this, THEN YOU FAILED.

Unlike most other stupid author's notes and comments, this one really matters. Had you just skipped this chapter, automatically disregarding it due to personal experiences in the past, you would find that you would be halfway through the fourth chapter and be thinking "Wait, what the hell? What's wrong with this author? Why is she butchering the series like this?! This is wrong! Hn… screw this…" or something along those lines, anyway.

You see, Christmas Cheer was originally just a spur of the moment story that was never supposed to be more that three or four chapters long. It wasn't a serious fanfiction at all back then. However, as you can plainly tell, it grew into much more than that. So henceforth, the story has certain blemishes. One of these blemishes is that some characters have been "cut and pasted" from other parts of the original storyline, while others remain to be from the same point in time.

This brings me to the next point, darlings: _**IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE ENTIRE FIRST SERIES AS WELL AS THE MOVIE, DON'T READ THIS**_. I mean, unless you want horribly huge spoilers. I'm cool with that. It's your decision, I mean, and I know some people are just like that, right? So go ahead if you want to.

On a more specific note, it is Ed and Al who have been "brought back from the future" per se. Everyone else is just as they were at the beginning of the series. I decided this when I started writing because (MORE HUGE SPOILERS AFTER THESE BRACKETS) Roy's eye-patch ANNOYS THE HELL OUT OF ME and nobody wanted Hughes to die. Nobody. As in at all. Am I right?

Anyway, please be warned, I admit: I _have _butchered the story. But I butchered it for the pure purpose of pleasantness. We all wish that FMA had a happier ending, and that, my friend, is and always will be the purpose of fanfiction.

The final warning I give is that there is EdxOC and RoyxOC. But even if you don't like either of those, sometimes it doesn't matter. In fanfiction that's aimed at making its readers laugh, pairings are just a nice sort of side-bonus for those that _do_ like the pairing. If the story itself is written well enough, the pairings won't always matter. A decent example would be that the story that inspired me to start this in the first place was a AlxOC fanfic, yet I still read it until the end, despite the fact that I'm not an Alphonse fangirl. I read it months before I started Christmas Cheer, so I sadly can't link anyone. (Sorry about that.) But seriously, please just give us a chance if you don't read those. We promise to send you bunnies if we waste your time. I mean that, too. I WILL SEND YOU A BUNNY.

And my last, final (No, I'm for cereal this time!) very last note is that Christmas Cheer _is _technically "done", but each week I have to get around to going through and intensely editing everything and fleshing it out so that not every single paragraph comes out as nothing more than a single line under the format. I apologize for being a slack-ass in advance. Please attack me for that. (No, really. I mean that, too. You also get a kitten if you send me mail that kicks me up the ass.) Christmas Cheer is set to be uploaded at a regular interval (once a week, during any given day of the week), just so that you in advance.

On that note, I leave you.

Enjoy, my highly esteemed guests.

xx S I (N)


	2. Snow and Book Avalanches

Snow.

Snow as white as the paper on Roy Mustang's desk was falling from the grey, sleeping sky of Amestris and was surrounding East Headquarters. But boy, did Roy wish it wasn't.

You see, being the Flame Alchemist, Roy naturally had a bit of an aversion to winter. That much was just plain compulsory, after all. However, this year around, there was another addition to that minor little abhorrence; another reason to feel dread as the snowflakes came down. It was something that had been causing him a couple of headaches as of late. Actually, 'migraines' was probably a more acute definition.

Things had been far rowdier around East Headquarters since they had taken two newbies onboard – it had been no longer than eleven months ago. At the time of their employment, they were hired as assistants for Sheska, the nicknamed "military bookworm". Back then, Roy had no idea that two girls their age could cause him so much trouble. Things had only gotten worse, however, since they had received their uniforms and started to do their jobs.

They'd whined and complained about everything from how poorly designed the uniforms were to the topics of the documents they'd been sorting. Each and every time they came to him at the end of the day, belly-aching and generally giving him a hard time, he had to explain to them that they either had to shut up and get on with it, or just be fired. It didn't help any that they both knew Edward Elric, along with his brother, and appeared to have been acquainted for a very long time. Hence, whenever either of the Elrics was at HQ, the girls would drop their duties to go see them.

In addition, since their initiation, one had passed the State Alchemy exam, hence rising up the ranks, yet failing to free him of having to have her under his jurisdiction. Meanwhile, the other had been taking a number of firearm lessons from First Lieutenant Hawkeye both in, and outside of work hours. She'd also taken it upon herself to make modifications to her uniform.

All of it meant more paperwork for Mustang.

He was _not_ happy.

Yet, still, his troubles did not end there.

The snow was an ill omen for Roy – it meant holidays. Holidays, of course, meant Christmas. Christmas meant that they would be pestering him until he either snapped and killed them, or agreed to hold a 'work Christmas party' like they had requested. But hey, you know, whichever came first.

Roy let out a sigh and rubbed his temples. This had been a very stressful week for him. If he could somehow manage to get home without being ambushed by the two, then he could finally live out his three days of holidays in peace. However, avoiding them was easier said than done. Much, much easier.

**********

Maxx Leonarde was sitting atop an unstable pile of books, elbows resting on her knees, and her chin in her hands. The frown on her face and the gloomy air about her mad it obvious that she was in a grumpy mood. Beside her, Dandelion Karmell was placing yet more books on top of a stack much similar to the one that Maxx was sitting on. On a desk, a few stacks of books away, Sheska was busily sorting through some papers she had been told to file.

'Mustang's such a tight-ass…' Maxx sighed crankily, complaining about the Lieutenant Colonel for what must've been the twenty-eight time that day. Dandelion sighed, silently agreeing with her for the twenty-eighth time.

'No matter how much we beg him…' Dandelion trailed off, looking out the window.

'I guess the Lieutenant Colonel's just not budging,' Sheska commented as she glanced up at her co-workers. On the final day of work, it had been a fairly quiet afternoon. Everyone was itching to get home. Sheska's tone became a touch longing as she continued on to her next sentence. 'But… a Christmas party really would be nice…'

They all sighed in unison, thoughts of a stress-free night of merriment dancing through their heads. Dandelion and Maxx had been dreaming of such grandeur ever since the calendar clicked over into December. But their dreams had been shot down quick as a wink when they had approached their boss with the idea.

'I just don't know what else we can do to convince him…' Maxx said hopelessly. She'd had the most intricate mental image of the party, despite the fact that she wasn't really one for parties. Then again, her ideals of the party were rather unrealistic. Nevertheless, she was feeling particularly glum at the turn of events. 'We've run out of options.'

'A petition amongst the other employees, maybe? That might work.' Sheska suggested logically, tapping her lower lip as she tried to help her buds out. Maxx considered the thought for a moment before shaking her head, feeling slightly more depressed.

'Nah, there's no way he'd bite. He would be all, "Screw democracy – if you've got a problem, then get over it!"' Dandelion's "Roy voice" would have set Maxx off in a fit if she wasn't feeling so down in the dumps. Dandelion let out a sob as she fake-cried. 'I swear, this country is going to be absolutely screwed when Roy becomes Fuhrer… You know, it's just that we've gotten his back up so bad about this whole thing.

'Oh, I see…' Sheska frowned, finally understanding why they were both so disappointed. What a pity. She was sure that everyone else would have really appreciated a nice little get together like that. It would be like a wonderful refreshment from the pressure they always seemed to be under. 'So you really don't have any other ideas?'

'Well, I mean, we could always turn our bothering up a notch, but apart from that, the only other way to make it happen would have to be just going ahead and throwing the party anyway.' Dandelion replied, picking up another stack of books and walking to the other end of the room. She almost dropped them all as she stumbled on a fallen pen in the maze of books.

'Or… you know, from an optimistic view… we could get a bunch of recordings of Roy saying different things and then mix it up until we have something that we could work off.' Maxx suggested, a glimmer of hope piercing the greyed look in her apple-green eyes. Dandelion turned around and scoffed at her bluntly.

'Really, now, Maxx? Hate to ruin your brilliant plan, but don't you think that's a bit beyond us? I mean, we don't have any equipment for that kind of thing, nor do we have the time to run around headquarters tailing Roy and recording every spare sentence that falls out of his pretty-boy mouth.' Dandelion pointed out the massive physical flaws in that idea. The glint of hope in Maxx's eyes died as Dandelion spoke. The red-haired girl heaved a sigh and rested her chin on top of a particularly high stack of books. 'Neither of us has the know-how for that, anyway…'

'… Eureka!' Maxx exclaimed, suddenly standing up, her expression suddenly brightening in a flash. However, her moment of glory quickly came to an end as the stack of books she had been sitting on suddenly fell; hitting the backs of her legs, hence making her knees buckle. After recovering from the pain of the impact and sucking in a breath, Maxx tried to control her urge to break something. She gave a heavy, exasperated sigh and began to dig herself out from underneath the books on top of her.

* * *

_**So that's the first chapter. And for those of you reluctantly reading this in case I spring something important on you again - don't worry, you can skip these if you want. These are just your run-of-the-mill AN's.**_ **_But in future, if you don't get something, or there appears to be a gap in the story, then it's most likely discussed in the author's notes. But as for this chapter, I don't have much to say... except that Roy Mustang looks dead sexy... in a mini-skirt. And Maxx should try staying away from books some time. _**

**_Changing the topic entirely.... Disclaimers are for losers. People who take action against those who do not have disclaimers are also losers. I mean, we all know that I don't own FMA. I mean, that belongs to Hiromu Arakawa..... I mean, disclaimers are totally bogus, right?_**

**_There's your first chapter. More will come... Sooner or later._**


	3. Schemes and Devices

_Come on, I've got to make it, I've got to make it_, Maxx chanted in her head as she turned the final corner on her way back to headquarters. She'd been running non-stop, full-out for the past few minutes gone by; all for the sake of the object she was grasping in her hand. She was already breathing heavily from all of the exercise. Still running, she yanked on the chain to her pocket watch; dangling out of her pocket as always. As she opened it, a quiet melody began to flow out; soft and bittersweet. She ignored it, her concentration already focused on where the clock's hands were. _Damn, I've only got two minutes…!_

Snapping the pocket watch shut again, Maxx turned her attention back to where she was going; cutting the melody off as she messily stuffed the silver object back into the depths of her pocket. She had _two minutes_ to be outside of Mustang's office before he left HQ and ruined _everything_. Maxx upped her speed, bursting through the building's front doors and bolting through the building's maze of hallways. She only just scraped by without bumping into some of the people in the halls; somehow managing to jump out of the way a few seconds before collision. Soon, she skidded to a halt in front of Roy's office. Her hand flew down to her pocket watch, opening it once again.

'SUCCESS!' She panted, completely victorious despite her fatigue. A nearby soldier gave her an odd look. Maxx then collapsed, having just run about seven kilometres in record time without a single break. Maxx let out a pained groan, knowing that she wouldn't be able to get back up for a while.

'Oh, god…' Maxx sighed. Her legs felt like someone had ripped them off, burnt them and suck them back on with children's craft glue. Wait, didn't one of Ed's angry "anti-short" rants involve ripping off people's legs…? Maxx's train of thought was interrupted when then door in front of her opened, hitting her feet as it swung out. Looking up, Maxx saw Riza Hawkeye, who, after a moment of silence and staring, continued on her (not quite) merry way.

One of the things that Maxx had learnt to appreciate about Riza was that she did not question unless necessary.

Maxx let out a sigh, realising that she should probably move out of the hallway. There was a 0.000000000000016% chance that she could get run over by a suicidal cyclist, after all. Grunting, Maxx dragged herself along the floor and into Roy's office. She face-planted into the carpet once she had successfully reached the middle of the room. At that point, Roy either didn't notice that there was a barely conscious girl lying collapsed on his floor, or he didn't care. Giving some careful consideration, Maxx's money was definitely on the last one.

After a few minutes of silence and recuperation, Maxx sat up. Roy looked at her as he shrugged his black coat on. Further silence.

'So, do you intend to tell me why you literally dragged yourself into my office? If it's about that god damned party, then you can leave right now.' Roy said firmly, already frowning at her. He paused for a moment as a thought crossed his mind. 'Or you could stay here and be locked up for three days. Personally, prefer that option.'

'You can evade man-slaughter charges? Impressive, sir,' Maxx remarked, standing up and brushing herself off. She walked over to him in a suspicious fashion; the way she moved resembling a sort of lobster scuttle. 'So… you're not going to let us have our party? I mean, we really do need a superior's permission.'

'For the last time: I will _**not**_ give you permission to hold a Christmas party!' Roy growled, storming over to the door. He paused as he flung the door open. He didn't hear her bouncing along behind him like he had yesterday. He glanced over his shoulder. She was still standing exactly where she had been. He frowned some more. She wasn't going to follow him? She wasn't going to try and make him change his mind?

'Okay,' she gave him a wide, cheerful smile. Right then and there, if Roy had've stopped and noticed the hidden, evil intent behind that one smile, their (and everyone else's) history would have taken a completely different course. However, he did not. 'In that case, see you later, Mustang.'

Roy watched, still frowning, as Maxx swiftly opened one of his windows and jumped out into the snow. With a frustrated sigh, he closed the door to his office behind him and exited out into the hall. Fortunately for Maxx Leonarde, Roy was too tired and far too annoyed to wonder why she had accepted his refusal. All he knew was that it wouldn't be the end of this whole business. But the only thing on his mind at the time was his nice, warm bed. His lovely, lovely, bed that offered all the sleep he could want.

* * *

**I'm sure most of you can guess what Maxx is carrying there. But it's more of a mattert of how she got it and what she intends to do with it, isn't it? Well, that will be further discussed in the next chapter, which should (hopefully) be posted next week, as promised. There's a little bit of rubbish going on with my computer, so I may be unable to post for a short while. I'm pretty sure I'll have it back by next week, however. **

**Well, that's all for this week.**


	4. Hot Chocolate and Christmas Time Radio

'So,' Dandelion began. She and Maxx had clocked off to Dandelion's big, old house after work. Maxx had, at her time of arrival, demanded hot chocolate. In the end, Dandelion had made herself (and only herself) some for the sole purpose of irritating the brunette alchemist. '… have you carried out your dazzlingly brilliant scheme yet?'

'Affirmative. The mission was successful and all check-points were passed. A full report is yet to be filed, sir…' Maxx confirmed blandly. She had this terrible habit of talking in military speak without realising it whenever she felt tired. She claimed that it came as a standard dawn-side to watching too much television. Sadly, that didn't mean anyone else agreed.

'Oh, cut it out.'

'… Why isn't the radio on?' Maxx suddenly wondered aloud. She jumped up from the couch she was lying all over and walked over to the device sitting atop Dandelion's forever unused fireplace. Dandelion reached out, as if to stop her, but was too late. Both girls cringed as an annoyingly cheery Christmas song filled the air, ringing loudly throughout the room. Maxx quickly switched it off, grimacing.

'Yeah… _that's_ why.'

'Oops,'

'So –not that I doubt you or anything–, but are we _definitely _throwing the party tomorrow?' Dandelion implored, slightly bored. She flicked the teaspoon in her mug, sending it flying across to the other side of the rim with a small _clink_. Maxx took no offence, of course. She knew that Dandelion just didn't want to have to get up early for no reason. Maxx gave a small nod in reply. '…So does that mean I should be doing stuff right now?'

'Well, _yeah_.' Maxx said in her 'duh' voice. She paused for a moment as she sat back down. She tapped her chin; thinking about something. Her eyebrows knitted together as a frown went across her face. 'Come to think of it, we should probably be out buying decorations and food right now.'

'Way~ ahead of you,' Dandelion jabbed her thumb over her shoulder; indicating in the direction of the cupboard on the far side of the room. Obediently walking over to it, Maxx rested her hand on the doorknob. Once again, Dandelion spun around and reached out, but was too late (again). Christmas decorations, packaged food and drinks, and even a Christmas tree toppled out of the cupboard, falling onto Maxx.

Maxx sighed, and Dandelion stared.

'Déjà vu,' they said at the same time. They glanced at each other for a moment; momentarily stunned by their accidental unison. A second later, Maxx slowly began to dig herself out (for the second time that day). Dandelion shrugged and continued to drink her hot chocolate.

'Don't we need to let everyone else know what's going on? You know… Like initiations or something?' Maxx inquired, pushing the Christmas tree off of her torso. Dandelion just pointed at the phone. Maxx carefully pushed a box of Christmas decorations off her feet before siting up and staring at it.

'Then when are you going to call them…? And hang on – how the _hell_ did you get _EVERYONE'S_ phone number?!' Maxx demanded, looking somewhat shocked and reasonably angered; no doubt suspecting the answer to have something to do with creeping around headquarters and pick-pocketing. (Probably with a touch of bribing/threatening the more timid employees on the side.)

'Such business does not concern you, Maxxine dearest.' Dandelion brushed her question to the side, taking another swig from her mug. Maxx growled. She pulled herself up onto her feet. Her hands quickly balled up into fists.

'DON'T CALL ME MAXXINE! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT MY NAME IS JUST **MAXX**!! _MAXX_, GOT IT?!'

'Oh, you and Eddikins are such a perfect match. I _do _hope you realise that.'

'STOP BEING SO CALM WHEN YOU MAKE FUN OF ME, DAMMIT!'

'Oh, and just so you know – I'm going to be planning your wedding sometime in the future. At the moment I'm thinking… blue.' Dandelion had to bite back a laugh. She understood 100% why Roy so enjoyed stirring up Ed. Maxx was just as bad with some things – unlike Ed, she never had problems with her height, so that one was automatically ruled out. But Dandelion had known Maxx long enough to know what her soft spots were, and oh, did she love to press Maxx's buttons. Her reactions were priceless.

'THAT'S IT! SAY GOODBYE TO THE COOKIE JAR!' Maxx boomed furiously, storming out of the room. Dandelion gaped after her in utter shock, wondering if she had truly heard Maxx right. She had put the cookie jar in a super-secret place! How could Maxx possibly know where it was kept? HOW?!

'NUU~! NOT MAH COOKIEZ!' Dandelion cried, jumping up and running after her, apparently forgetting about her mug of hot chocolate. By the time the red-head got to her bedroom, she was too late. To her horror, Maxx was sitting on the floor next to her bed. In her hands sat an open cookie jar. She looked up and Dandelion blankly, a cookie in her mouth.

'Uhm… Lion, why do you have a big, wet, brown patch on you?' Maxx asked after removing the cookie from her mouth. The brunette raised an eyebrow at the red-head's stomach. Dandelion looked down at herself, immediately spotting the wet patch in question. She looked at the empty mug in her left hand. She frowned.

'… _Damn_…' Dandelion muttered. She gritted her teeth and frowned some more, looking like some kind of lethargic teenager who had been told to wash the dishes and clean their younger sibling's room for them. 'What a bother…'

Maxx jumped up onto the bed (cookie jar still in hand) and turned her back as Dandelion quickly changed out of her uniform. A few moments later, Dandelion flopped down next to Maxx, hand delving down into the now half-empty jar. She had changed into a plain white dress that was far more suited for summer than winter. Apparently she hadn't been bothered enough to change into anything other than what had touched her hand first.

'Oh, what a tragedy…! I guess this means that I won't be able to wear my uniform for a while!' Dandelion said dramatically, her grin ruining her façade. She pressed the back of her hand against her forehead and stared off into the distance. An amused smirk tugged at Maxx's lips before a thought drifted into her head.

'Wait, you did that deliberately, didn't you?!' She accused, giving her a suspicious look. Dandelion had, of late, been forced to wear the standard uniform as opposed to her "modified" version (which, in comparison, looked hardly recognisable as a military uniform). And if she was unable to wear the proper uniform, then…

'Surprisingly not. I'm surprised I didn't think of it myself. Then again, maybes my subconscious is just cleverer.' Dandelion mused, taking a firm bite out of her cookie. Maxx started laughing, and hastily tried to smother the sound with her hand. But Dandelion didn't have to hear it said out loud to know what Maxx was thinking.

'Ow! Hey!'

'How _dare_ you call me stupid?!'

* * *

**_Okay... Well, you remember when I said that I would have my computer issues sorted out on time? They were. _**

**_Then the wireless died._**

**_It could have been worse. I mean, looking on the bright side, I still have CC with me. Something worse could have happened, like complete loss of all data, including my Final Fantasy games and every other piece of crud I have on this laptop. Now, that would have been TRULY tragic. At the moment I'm only able to post this because of school internet ("Oh, cry me a river and post it, you wuss", I know, I know). However, we have our lovely otaku man/friend/usual computer guy coming around on Friday to fix all our household-wide issues (Not including the ones involving peanut butter and Pocky-stocks, sadly). Last time he came around, we got free pizza. I should try and bride them into that again._**

**_I should probably sort out the commitment issues I have towards my readers while I'm at it. :/_**

**_P.S. At the bottom there, yes, Dandelion can pretty much read her mind. They have skillz like that. And also, in relation to Dandelion's uniform getting hot chocolate stains, to clarify, I would like to remind everyone about Dandelion's obsession with varying from the standard uniform. In truth, yes, she has more than one uniform. She has to, considering she hates doing washing. But Roy doesn't know that. Henceforth, she can get away with wearing whatever she likes. _**


	5. Political Correctness and Tall Troubles

Down one of the many halls of headquarters, a soft melodic hum could be heard from around the corner. Maxx quietly shut the door behind her and deftly sprung away, eyes bright as she skipped down the halls. Reams of brightly coloured tinsel bounced around her neck as she moved along, carelessly holding a loaded staple gun in her left hands as she hummed 'Deck the Halls'.

'... La, la la la, la la la la...' She reached an intersection in the mass of hallways and looked left. At the end of said hall, she could see a window. The outside world shone a radiant pure white that was overpowering even from where she stood, still metres away. In all honesty, Maxx had absolutely no idea exactly _where_ she was or where she was going, but she hadn't seemed to have noticed yet – that, or she just didn't seem to care.

Making a mindless decision to go right rather than towards the window, she spun around the corner, arms spreading wide as she twirled around and around. Her smile was that of a carefree spirit, and she noted that she was quite happily feeling like a child. That was, until she smashed _clean_ into something.

'_Oof…_!' Maxx grunted, grimacing as she hit the floor. The staple gun had landed one or two feet away from her hand, but the tinsel had somehow managed to stay safely around her neck. She slowly opened her eyes and was met with the sight of a pair of very familiar shoes.

Poor Alphonse didn't even have time to flinch away as she suddenly latched onto his ankles. After a moment, she scrambled back up onto her feet, her crash not seeming to have affected her gleeful mood.

'Merry Christmas!' She grinned at him, eyes still glistening. He gave her a blank look of surprise. Her lips turned into a small frown as she looked away, a grave look passing over her face. 'Ah… that's right… political correctness dictates that one must say "Happy Holidays" nowadays…'

'Uhm… what do you mean, Maxx…?' He blinked. He didn't know anything about having to say "Happy Holidays". And how did politics come into this…? 'Why are you all the way out here? Dandelion's been looking for you. She said she needs you to help her put up the tree… she mentioned something about her high-heels not being… "efficient enough"…? … Was that it…?'

'Heh heh…' She chuckled evilly. Maxx wasn't a fan of heels, but Dandelion occasionally talked Maxx's ears off about them. This felt like the purest, sweetest revenge. With a new-found smirk on her face, Maxx dramatically motioned to take a step down the hall. 'Well then, in that case, let's be off!'

'Uhm… Maxx? You know… the hall is the other way…'

'I knew that… Hah… Ahaha…' Maxx laughed awkwardly. Al laughed a little: this was just one of the stupid mistakes that Maxx was constantly making. Spinning around on her heels, Maxx began to march the other way (with just a little less gusto); Alphonse trailing behind. After a minute or two (and three redirections from Al), they found their way to the main hall – the existence of which, Maxx had been oblivious to until a week ago.

'So, how far through is she with the preparations?' Maxx asked as they approached the door. She'd arrived at the same time as Dandelion. She hadn't been game enough to let Dandelion drive her there, so she'd fabricated a story about having to help her neighbour's sick mother earlier that morning. After an hour or so, Dandelion had gotten fed up with Maxx's reluctant, lethargic attitude and sent her off to find the tinsel and staple gun. She'd given Maxx a key and a set of directions – which Maxx had evidently failed to follow.

'Er…' Maxx opened the door before Al could give a proper answer. Maxx's apple green eyes fell on the small red-head immediately. Dandelion stood atop a ladder that was positioned in front of the incredibly tall tree that the elder girl had somehow managed to get her hands on. She was relentlessly jumping up and down, a large star in her hands. Each time she hopped into the air, swiping at the oh-so-close tip of the tree, Maxx heard a small, ridiculous 'Ii!' sound. It took Maxx and Al a moment to figure out that the strange noise was actually being made by Dandelion herself.

'Maxxie!' Dandelion exclaimed cheerfully, as she turned around and caught sight of the younger girl. A broad smile stretched across her face – one that instantly made Maxx stiffen in terror. Dandelion seemed ignorant to her reaction. 'You're just in time!'

'Oh, _no_…'

A few minutes later, Maxx was standing on top of the unstable ladder; Dandelion sitting precariously on her shoulders. Maxx had guessed that this would happen before the day even began, but she hadn't expected that Dandelion would have managed to get the tree up quite so quickly. If she had've known, she would have hidden out in the room that she'd gotten the tinsel from for a while longer. Although she couldn't imagine what she might've done to pass the time in there: the room was filled with cobwebs and boxes. Maxx cursed her luck as the ladder wobbled again under her feet.

'Ah…! Dandelion, I'm not really sure that this is safe!' Al called from the ground, obviously worried. Maxx gritted her teeth, inwardly swearing over and over again. Of course it wasn't safe. But that had never stopped Dandelion in the past.

'Oh, it's perfectly _fine_!' Dandelion reassured him in a completely _non_-reassuring voice. Her expression was equally disquieting. The ladder swayed as Dandelion leaned further forward. Dandelion's stomach forced Maxx's head down, henceforth making her unable to see who it was opening the side door at that instant.

'Hey, guys, sor-,'

'God dammit, Lion! Why are you so heavy?!' Maxx cut off the unknown speaker, still ignorant to their presence. She had reached he limit, and now she was practically bursting at the seams with impatience. She couldn't believe she'd been dragged into this. How was Dandelion planning to make amends if Maxx got hurt from this stupid, reckless shenanigans?!

'HEY, WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO FAT THAT SHE BREAKS THE SCALES JUST BY LOOKING AT THEM?!!'

Maxx's stomach twisted horribly as the ladder made a sad creak and lurched to the left, taking them with it. They both cried out as they fell, the air whistling past their ears. A few seconds before they hit, Maxx clenched her eyes shut and thought something panicked along the lines of suing the ladder people and breaking Dandelion's limbs.

'Oof!'

'OW!'

'_Ouch_…'

Maxx's fall was broken my something cushiony and bouncy before she hit the ground. She had opened her eyes for just a second, but only caught sight of a pillow before Dandelion crashed down on top of her, knocking the breath out of Maxx's lungs.

'Maxx! Lion! Are you okay!?' Al asked, panicked as he ran over. His eyes were alight with concern and distress, but he couldn't feel just a slight bit exasperated that this had happened. He had warned them, after all. Dandelion's stubborn streak was truly unmatched.

'I can't feel my spleen…' Maxx moaned, her eyes clenched shut. Her mouth pulled downwards, contorting in pain. She let out another groan and wondered if she would be able to walk again. Her dreams of breaking some arms were now completely shattered, seeing as she could hardly move. At this thought, she let out an upset little whimper.

'Spine, Maxx, spine…' Dandelion corrected her with a groan. She hadn't rolled off of Maxx yet – in fact, she hadn't moved at all. She was, if she dared say so herself; practically paralysed with pain. She felt like crying.

'Shut up… you broke my brain, too…'

But one thing that didn't make sense (even to Maxx's malfunctioning brain/spleen/spine) was why they were sitting on a pile of pillows. In the final moment of terror when Maxx had been staring at the fast-approaching ground (just moments before she shut her eyes), she had been one-hundred percent certain that the floor was completely bare. There hadn't been a pillow in sight. So how the hell had they gotten there, with only seconds to spare? Maxx opened her eyes at the sound of footsteps approaching.

'Hey – you guys alright?'

Maxx's apple-green eyes looked up, meeting the honey-gold eyes of the one and only Edward Elric. She blinked as she stared at him blankly. As if on que, or part of some horrible curse, Dandelion's words from the other day rang through her head.

…_You and Eddikins are such a perfect match. I hope you realise that…_

'Uh, yeah… I'm fine..' Maxx answered, her cheeks colouring a little. She gritted her teeth and looked away, cursing Dandelion for saying something so stupid. She cursed herself for thinking about it as well. 'Apart from my brain and spine, I guess…' Maxx tried to rid herself of the thought. Her and Elric? Phft. Please, that would never work out. Because-

Maxx suddenly gaped. A horror-struck expression swept across her face as she finally solved the mystery of the magical pillows. A crystal-clear image passed through her mind: her tinsel. But now, in the exact same spot, there were pillows. Needless to say, it didn't take long for her to make the connection between "tinsel", "pillows" and "annoying, short alchemist".

'MY TINSEL!! YOU _BASTARD_!!' Maxx yelled, glaring at Ed furiously. She looked at him with a vehemently violent expression, seemingly ready to punch his lights out. It had taken Maxx at least two and a half hours to find that tinsel – never mind the staple gun. Turning it into pillows was similar to slaughtering a pig that had been nurtured from birth as a pet or part of the family. It was a truly unforgivable act, as far as Maxx was concerned.

'_Maxx_!' Dandelion exclaimed in alarm as the object underneath her (A one Maxx L. – free for today and today only!) suddenly moved forward. Dandelion was harshly thrown halfway down the pile of pillows and sent rolling down onto the chilly floorboards. Meanwhile, Maxx was looming over Ed, the expression on her face making her resemble one of those horrible mythical creatures that ate babies.

'H-Hey, I saved you!' Ed protested, obviously intimidated by the (actually rather intimidating) eighteen year-old girl in front of him. However, his statement was ignored, as was his perfectly legitimate argument. Instead, a low, threatening growl rumbled out of Maxx's throat. Dandelion and Al watched blankly as the door opened once again, and Jean Havoc proceeded to step forward and separate the two.

'Save it for later, you two.' Havoc said calmly. He didn't seem the least bit phased by how scary the young girl appeared. Like everyone else at HQ, he had gotten used to her demonic behaviour. After all, she only made that face fourteen times a week. Maxx, however, was quite surprised by how strong his grip was – he was _actually_ _managing_ to keep her from ripping Ed's face off. She struggled, writhing and thrashing as Havoc held her back. She resolved to growling quietly and making a failed attempt at giving Havoc a devil's glare out of the corner of her eye. Ed let out an almost inaudible sigh of relief.

'Thanks, Havoc,'

'Haha. You shouldn't be thanking me at all. Mustang would kill me if I let one of our people get maimed while I was around. After all, how would you fill in all that extra paperwork that Mustang's been giving you if you were in hospital?'

'… I see. "Merry Christmas"…' Ed slitted his eyes, half-pouting and half-frowning as he continued to brazenly ignore Maxx's supreme[ly unreasonable] fury. Tilting his head to the side, he let out a sigh. Things were always like this for him, weren't they? Maxx had stopped moving now, and was staring at the floor, her fringe hiding her face. His sigh seemed to act as a que for what she was about to say next.

'Change it back,' she whispered furiously. She did not lift her head and she didn't make eye contact. Her voice was almost too quiet to hear. Ed only just managed to register that she had said anything at all.

'What?'

'Change it back!' She repeated more forcefully through her gritted teeth. Havoc was yet to release her – which was probably best. Ed just blinked and looked over his shoulder at the pile of pillows. At this point, Dandelion finally picked herself up off the ground; dusting herself off.

'Look, we've got no time for that! We're running on a tight enough schedule as it _is_! Ed, you need to go fetch the tables with Havoc! Go, go, **go**!' She ordered firmly, waving them off. With a little hesitation, they both left the hall in search of said tables. Maxx watched as they left, frowning as her anger slowly dwindled away.

'And you – Maxx, Al!!' Maxx jumped at the sound of her name, having been previously lost in incoherent thought. A grimace pulled at the corners of Maxx's mouth. Dandelion was in organizer-mode – in other words, the hour ahead would be a rather tiring one. 'We need to decorate this tree! On the _double_!!'

'But what about the-...?' Maxx trailed off as she looked up at the top of the towering Christmas tree. After all their efforts, they _had_ actually managed to get the star on top. A good thing, too: they would've _both_ been pissed if they'd gone through all that in vain. Nevertheless, Maxx was still surprised. It almost seemed like an insane stroke of luck – normally their misfortune would never have allowed for a (sort of) success like this, even if they had almost broken their necks. '… Oh…'

'Uhm, Maxx… did you have to be so hard on brother?' Al asked cautiously, not sure whether it was a good idea to ask or not. She could blow up at any given moment. Even for the polite, compassionate Al, it was a bit of a gamble. Maxx opened her mouth to speak, but Dandelion let out a scoff before she could say anything.

'I'm surprised she didn't rip vest-boy to pieces. Havoc has _really_ impressive timing.' Dandelion remarked with sincere astonishment. If Havoc hadn't shown up, Maxx would still be in the middle of brutalising the famous Fullmetal. But Dandelion couldn't have that. Havoc could never bring out all the tables by himself (in time, anyway). On a side note, if Maxx was in jail, then Dandelion couldn't plan her wedding either. Dandelion dragged a box of Christmas tree lights closer towards the tree, looking down at them in disgust. 'Ugh… I hate this part.'

'What? Because you ended up tied up in lights, lying on the floor last year as a result of your efforts? You looked like you were in a colourful, flashing cocoon. Damn, I wish I had a camera then…'

'Hey! We swore not to ever speak of that day!'

'Well, I lied.'

'Say, Al, did you know Maxx has a thing about dudes with golden eyes?'

'HEY!'

* * *

_**I was panicking until I found out that this chapter WAS actually edited. Not having internet for a while there has really thrown me off of my schedule. Suddenly having it again was like culture shock, but… with internet. I kept on spending my afternoons doing other things, and then remembered at the end of the day "Oh yeah, I have internet now". It was dreadful.**_

_**BUT THERE'S MORE!!!**_

_**Guess what? My laptop's broken AGAIN. However, this time it's a physical problem (physical as in the side of the screen is splitting in two every time I adjust the angle) so sadly no more free pizza for me. Downloading everything onto the portable hard-drive will be oodles of fun, I'm sure… At this stage, I cannot say how this will affect CC. (Somehow, I get the feeling I've said this before…) But I do believe that the biggest threat to postage currently is my monster of an ICT assignment. I have to program a game (cliché, is it not?), and in my case, I've chosen a graphic novel (minus the date sim element) and platform hybrid.**_

_**Ed is the male lead. 8D**_


	6. New Weapons and Old Sods

***falls over* I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW LONG THIS CHAPTER TOOK ME. WHY, WHY, WHY DO MY EDITS HAVE TO BE SO AKIN TO JUST REWRITING THE ENTIRE THING?  
I'm not even going to bother making up an excuse this chapter. Somebody just cut my brains out. But on the plus side, the chapters are getting much longer hereabouts... I think. :/  
By the way, I'm in the process of posting the _unedited _chapters on my deviantArt account. Feel free to go read if you get impatient, but I can pretty much guarantee you that they'll most likely be dreadful to read. Since I'm not game enough to see if is going to eat the link, then I'll just go ahead and tell you that my username is FullMoonWish. Double checking what comes up when you search that, you should see what appears to be a poorly written short story sharing the same title, and then a WIP (work-in-progress) screenshot containing an OC which I'd say that most of my readers would have no interest in. That screenshot is, surprisingly, what you'll be looking for. I have no idea why, of all my deviations, this is the only one that shows up when my username is searched. .___.  
Well, toodleloo.**

* * *

'I think staple guns are my new favourite things ever.' Dandelion grinned, pinning the last of the extra-long green tinsel Riza had brought to the wall in front of her. A look of sheer bliss went across her face as she heard the staple fly from the staple gun before becoming safely stuck into the wall. Pulling away, she weighed the object in her hands, grinning down at it. 'It's a nice weight, too.'

'Oh, _no_,' Maxx groaned. So many horrible things would ensue if Dandelion knew how to effectively use a pistol _and _a staple gun. Such horrible, horrible things. Sighing deeply, she looked across the room to Riza Hawkeye, a curious look on her face. Cautiously turning to Dandelion, she spoke again, 'By the way, wasn't Riza left in charge of telling Roy when the party was going on?'

It was true: Dandelion had left the painful job of telling Roy Mustang when the party he had specifically _not _given them permission to hold was taking place to Hawkeye. Then again, the First Lieutenant was probably best suited to the job. She was used to Roy exploding in her face.

'Hey, Riza!' Dandelion called to the blonde woman. Her voice echoed around the room. Dandelion grinned. Shouting was fun. Shouting had always been fun. But making echoes was a joy that she would part-take in long after she turned eighty. She couldn't believe she'd never been to this hall before. 'Did you tell Mustard?'

'Yes, I did,' she called back calmly. Dandelion gave a small pout, upset that her teacher seemed to be refusing to join the "shouting-in-an-echoey-room-about-stupid-man-whores" club. 'I left a note at his house, seeing as he wasn't in at the time. Taking into account his daily schedule, the time he left headquarters, and the time I placed the note containing the details of the party, I would say that he'd be-,'

'DANDELION!!' Roy burst through the door, making everyone's heads snap to the left. He stormed up to the red-haired girl, fuming. She regarded him calmly, a totally at ease look on her face, as if she was talking to a second-grader. Her loomed over her, his eyes filled with rage that made Dandelion want to explode into a fit of laughter. His voice lowered as he opened his mouth, all of a sudden becoming far more menacing and ominous. 'Just what do you think you're doing?'

'Now, now, Musty, if you keep yelling like that, you'll lose your voice.' Dandelion scolded him like a mother would with her child. Well, perhaps "teenage junkie mother scolding her huge, steroid-addicted son" would be a more accurate description. For all that she was worth; she had never seen Roy so angry. It was almost gratifying.

'Lose his voice…? Oh, wouldn't that would be the day…' Havoc muttered as he reversed into the room, carrying his end of the final table. The longing and condemned tenor of his voice was as strong as his words. Roy didn't so much as spare Havoc a glance. He was too intent on staring the red-head in front of him down to the floor. Maxx chuckled as she hung a clear plastic snowflake on a low-down branch in front of her.

'I do quite _clearly _remember telling you that _**weren't **_allowed to have this party!' He seethed darkly. Had he used that tone on any child below the age of five, they probably would have started crying. However, Roy was no childcare worker. Dandelion just looked up at him for a moment before tilting her head to the side. A sweet smile stretched across her face.

'What do you mean, Mustang? Why, of course you did! How irresponsible do you think I am? Maxx~…?' Dandelion turned to her brown-haired friend. Before Al so much as had time to blink, Maxx was gone from the corner of his eye; disappeared without so much as a little _whoosh _of air to imply that she had suddenly jumped up and leaped away from the Christmas tree they had been decorating. As she awaited Maxx's arrival, Dandelion kept smiling, and Roy kept glaring.

Then, before he knew it, Maxx was beside the childish Second Lieutenant. But he paid her new-found disappearing and reappearing skills no mind. The room was silent as everyone watched Maxx shove her hand into the pocket of her pants. Even Havoc and Edward had stopped carrying the table to stop and watch the scene unfold. Maxx's hand re-emerged, and out came a hand-held voice recorder. Before her boss could say anything, she hit the play button.

'_I give you permission to hold a Christmas party!_' There was an abrupt change of tone between the first word and the ones that followed, but it was definitely the voice of Roy. He looked stunned for a moment. The silence continued, but grins, smirks and smiles began to spread across a number of mouths.

'Wait, I never said that!' He exclaimed as his horror and disbelief got the best of him. What was this, mutiny? Of course, everyone who worked underneath him would agree that any mutiny was called for, particularly if he went through with his plans to extract all men from the military once he became Fuhrer and all women were wearing miniskirts.

While Roy continued to bask in his own array of wild emotions, Riza popped up beside the two girls, her expression as mischievous as Riza could possibly appear. (In other words… not very mischievous looking at all.)

'There's no denying that it's your voice,' she stated in her usual straightforward voice. Maxx nodded, smiling to herself like a child who had just outsmarted their parental figure. Roy's frown deepened. He was quite clearly being ganged up on – not something awfully becoming of a superior officer.

'Quite right,' Dandelion agreed seriously. She winked at Maxx, who gave her a prideful, horribly wide smile back. Never before had one of their little schemes actually been brought into play, but now that their very first official plan had been carried out and brought to justice, the duo were starting to think that they should act on their plots more often.

'But-, that's-,' Roy was flabbergasted. This couldn't be happening.

'I guess they got you this time, eh, Mustang?' Fullmetal said from half-way across the room. He had positioned himself gracefully on top of the table that he had Havoc had finished moving not moments before so that he could watch the battle of wits a little more comfortably. His legs were crossed in that annoying way that men did, and a huge grin was stuck on his face. He was enjoying this every bit (if not more) as much as the two girls.

'Hey, guys!' The door opened for the eighth time that day, and in came Fuery, Breda and the rest of the people that Hiromu Arakawa and BONES had deemed important and cool enough to make it into the series. Chatter followed, the tension in the air dissolved, and as everyone said their greetings to each other Dandelion crossed her arms and looked up at Mustang smugly.

'You know you can't win,' Dandelion said in a sing-song voice. She took a step back and sat on one of the ladder's steps, crossing her legs. Dandelion greatly enjoyed getting her way with those who she wasn't supposed to get her way with. This was a great victory indeed. Dandelion felt like a king. Mustang leaned in close, looking her in the eye. He paused a moment before speaking.

'Maybe not, but that's never stopped me from trying.'

'Yeah, you do strike me as that kind of stubborn old sod.' She stared into his pitch-black eyes, a smile making its way across her face. If he thought that she didn't see the corner of his mouth twitch, then he was wrong. A moment passed. Roy was the first to break the stare.

Maxx was walking alongside the tables, throwing white tablecloths over each one. She didn't care for the whole "Hey, how've you been since yesterday?" business; she hadn't since she was seven. She'd learnt that over the years the best way to avoid conversation was to make yourself look too pre-occupied to talk. The tablecloths had been the first of a handful of obvious tasks. She stopped when she reached the table Ed was sitting on. She tapped her foot; unable to cross her arms due to the pile of tablecloths she was carrying. But if she could have, then she most defiantly would've. Ed ignored her.

'Move your ass, Blondie!' She ordered impatiently, still a little cranky at him for turning her precious tinsel into pillows (the pillows, of which, Al had moved into another room after loud instruction from Dandelion). In the little time that she'd spent with it, she'd formed a deep bond with that tinsel. Even now, if she was to transmute it back when she had the time, it just wouldn't have been the same. So now, he would do as she said.

'I think I'm fine where I am.'

'Ugh, just MOVE!'

'Make me!'

'You asked for it…' She let the pile tumble to the floor as she nestled into a crouch. She pounced at him before he realised what she was doing, forcefully knocking him off the table. They rolled onto the floor, bumping the legs of another table and causing it to rattle. Maxx sat heavily on his stomach, a tablecloth suddenly appearing in her hand.

'They're at it again…' Fuery sighed, standing next to Havoc, who glanced over to see Maxx trying to strangle him with said magical tablecloth. Havoc sighed and shook his head. The two were impossible. Similar acts of physical, emotional, and verbal abuse raged on all throughout the day during normal working hours if the two were in the same room for more than an hour at the most.

'I give up…' Havoc muttered dolefully. For all his attempts at trying to play peace-maker so that he could have an undisrupted smoke, not once had he been able to do any more than separate them when things got ugly. Havoc had finally, well and truly, given up hope. This new (although probably short-lived) skill that Maxx had for making things appear wasn't helping much, either. As Havoc began to spiral into a short fit of depression, Roy walked over to Jean and Kain with his arms folded across his chest. Mustang had regained his composure and was looking like his usual smug self again.

'I guess those two just can't bear not to be close,' Roy said a bit louder than normal. Silence fell across the room, and everyone discreetly turned their gaze to where Roy was looking. Maxx froze, her grip on the tablecloth slung around Ed's neck suddenly loosening. Not two seconds later, she sprung away, bumping the table behind her. Ed sputtered, his hand holding his throat. A pink cheeked Maxx sent Roy a murderous look.

'Hey, nice one, Boss,' Fuery remarked. That one had sure worked. Roy shrugged and walked away, smugger than before. The tiniest spot of ego-fluffing had surprisingly made Roy forget all about his anti-party dilemma. Havoc laughed at Maxx's face, making no effort to cover up his amusement. Maxx growled and went back to putting on the tablecloths, cursing the fact that she had no reason to attack Havoc as well. Her bloodlust had a tendancy to rise correspondingly to the heat in her face. Over by the Christmas tree, Alphonse sighed.

'They almost fight as much as you and Roy,' Al pointed out sadly, but the way he said it, it was more of a statement. Dandelion chuckled and climbed up the ladder to put a silver bauble on one of the higher-up branches. She didn't quite understand why Al was so bothered by Edward and Maxx's arguments. They were just so frequent, and had been raging on for so long, she didn't see the big deal any more. But Dandelion couldn't blame Al for being Al.

'That's true love for ya.' She looked down to see Maxx throwing a white tablecloth over one of the few that remained, still slightly pink. She laughed again. Dandelion turned back to the tree, and carefully nested the decoration into the bristles. Al paused for a moment, thinking her point through. Dandelion had made him aware of the situation between Maxx and his brother a while ago, after she had gotten tired of his naivety. Or at least, Dandelion had told Al what she'd gathered/thought/dramatized.

'So, does that mean you… like Mustang then?' He looked at her questioningly as she descended down the ladder. For once, the cuteness and innocence in his voice was so horribly thick that Dandelion wanted to cover her ears. As the words finally reached her brain, she practically fell off the last step. Once she came all the way down, she looked more rattled and flustered than Maxx had not moments ago.

'Wha-what? Why would you think that?!' She demanded, mortified. The look on her face was picture-perfect.

'I-I'm sorry, w-was I wrong? Well, i-it's just that you said, "that's true love", and you two fight even more than Maxx and Ed, so I just thought…' He trailed off as the colour in Dandelion's cheeks rose and she started waving her arms around frantically.

'No! No way!' Dandelion made an 'x' with her arms. Al looked at her blankly.

'Okay then,' Al said, his level of innocence and incorruptibility allowing him to sincerely believe in her most heinous denial. Dandelion turned around, using the sudden end of the conversation to catch herself. She let out a sigh of relief as soon as her back was to the naive little munchkin. After regaining some composure, she stepped onto the ladder, a new set of thoughts fresh in her mind.

'Oi, everyone!' She yelled. She paused, and waited. Nobody turned around. Nobody stopped talking. She frowned. She yelled the same sentence again, but only Maxx looked up. Dandelion waited one more moment in the hope that someone might tap somebody on the shoulder and everyone would turn around. Nobody did. Dandelion gave a frustrated sigh. Out came the staple gun. She took aim, and fired.

'AGHH!!' Mustang's voice pierced the babble of his underlings. Everyone stopped talking, and all turned around to see Roy pinned to the ground. Dandelion grinned darkly and tapped the back of the staple gun on her shoulder, satisfied that all eyes were now on her. Riza was wearing an expression that looked strangely proud. 'Alright, you bitches! We've already done all the hard, _non_-fun stuff while you've been waggling your arses around getting here, so you're doing the rest! This tree needs to finish being decorated, and the food needs to be set out! STEP TO IT!!'

Surprisingly (or maybe not quite so surprisingly), everyone suddenly scurried about, panicked by the thought of having to answer to an angry, incredibly violence-prone (and possibly mentally disturbed) nineteen year old with a staple gun. Meanwhile, Maxx had finished with the tablecloths and was walking back over to Dandelion, muttering something about Roy's scream sounding too ridiculous for his character.

'… How long do you think it's going to be before someone helps him out?' Maxx inquired once she reached the ladder, which Dandelion was still standing atop. Maxx Leonarde stared at her boss, watching as he struggled; wiggling about on the floor.

'A while,'


End file.
